middleclassgirl

Thongs not 'thongs'

There is some risk in entitling a post ‘thongs’ because it will a grave disappointment to those who thought that they were going to stumble across a pic of a lady’s natal cleft tastefully covered by a strip of fabric.

So no, I am not writing about “G-strings”, I am writing about thongs. Good old thongs.

Whenever I wear thongs, I think of Summer during the 70s. It was then that thongs would come into their own to prevent one from the ignominy of dashing emu-like across the infernally hot sand of the local bay beach that we used to go to. There is also something Proustian ( or biblical, as it were)  for me in rinsing my thong-adorned feet in the clear salt water lapping at the foreshore - what other shoe, other than a flipper, is so practical that it invites, nay insists upon, you to get it wet?

Thongs have their place (and in my case, their time) to be worn: the beach, the local swimming pool or climates where heat has affected the minds of its indigenes so much that all dignity related to fashion is lost.

This does not seem to be the case though with a ‘hip’ or ‘fashionable’ set who continue to wear thongs as formal wear. Mind you, they do not wear the $2.99 rubber versions that they would find in their local supermarket next to equally cheap but perfectly functional underwear (even ‘thongs’) but hey prefer to wear ‘Havaianas’ (note the extra ‘a’) which, from what I can see is one of the greatest money making schemes of the last decade.

This company has taken the humble rubber thong, emblazoned it with its brand, produced it in a colourful palette du jour and has had the absolute gall to charge about twenty bucks a pair. Of course, the official website assures me that, apart from style, I am buying the “simplest product made with a secret Brazilian rubber formula.”

I can already hear the hipsters protesting that they feel that the rubber in their Havianas is more “bouncy”  and comfortable and that the ‘fun’ colours make it perfectly acceptable to wear on a hot day into the office. Dear Havaianist, you realise that you are wearing thongs, just as Strop did in Paul Hogan’s eponymous television program in the 1970s? And unless you have attractive, bare feet - very few do - I do not want to see things as acceptable day or evening wear.

Now I admit that I do own, not one but two pairs of Havaianas. I purchased them at the same time when I was sojourning in one of the aforementioned climates. This green pair I have only worn thrice since 2007.

And this Pink pair always attracts attention and are the only reason why I have been pleased to have parted $30 for a piece of colored rubber.

This black pair, though, is my favourite beach / pool apparel because they are not Havianas, they cost $2.99 at the Braybrook Safeway and remind me of summers at Williamstown, eating Sunnyboys and flicking a Big M trademarked non-trademarked flying disc.

In any case, my grievance still stands: this is not footwear to be seen in civilised society. I dont care which fashion colours you are wearing or whether your patriotism is being shown, somewhat ironically, with a flag printed on the inner soles of them. Get a sandal. Wear a shoe. You’ll be much more stylish and be able to sneak up on people more easily.